Letter to the editor: Christopher Columbus‘s final voyage.
Farewell to Columbus
A man with no defenders, Captain Christopher Columbus was taken from his concrete perch on the bow of the forward Poop-deck. He was unceremoniously yanked down like some bum rushed hobo onto a City of Trenton truck. Listing hard to port, he set sail on the truck with his most favorite and famous compass heading of “due West”. Once past the N.J Justice Complex, the course was changed to North by Northwest up route 29 along the Delaware River. No native Indians were spotted on the cruise along the way.
Suddenly, the truck poetically ran aground. Similar to a ship hitting the rocks, the front tire blew out with a Boom! The Gods of western civilization struck down upon this disgusting and destructive voyage of denial with copious amounts of bad karma. The damaged truck pulled over to Lee Ave. for emergency repairs.
Sails were then set to a super-duper secret location. Revealed now is the island respite in a sea of turmoil. Captain Columbus was brought to safe harbor at a fellow slave owner/trader’s estate of Thomas Cadwalader. Mayor “Gutless Gusciora” has stood down yet again the the lawless rabble. Another icon disappears in the leaderless, deadly, and dangerous town known for right now as Trenton. Does everyone on board here now feel so much safer since old Chris is gone.
Submitted on this day of the Lord;
July the 8th, 2020 by
Yeoman 1st Class – Giuseppe “Gumba” Mezzaluna
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